carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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