Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
a search helicopter?!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
