she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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