she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
