hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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