South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
