i just had sex bonerless
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
