WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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