the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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