the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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