Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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