We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
