there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
