Quick, to the slutcave!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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