sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
