i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
