I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
