Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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