New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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