You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
