we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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