Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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