I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
