is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
