Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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