sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
