Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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