Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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