Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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