i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
