Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
