You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
