I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I had to cum in my sink.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
