for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
