If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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