Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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