the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
