He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
