Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize