I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
