12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
