Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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