I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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