Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
