I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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