we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
