he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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