im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
