Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
