Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
