I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
