even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
we're so committed to being not committed
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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