Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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