You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
